Well, after almost a year (wow time flies)… I finally am posting in my journal again. I’m sorry to all those who were following my blog and I won’t be surprised if you left me. My life got very drab, boring and I was just plain unhappy in my situation and really didn’t feel like complaining in every post or reiterating things over and over because they never changed.
A new chapter in my life has started now and with it comes more freedom and hopefully more interesting things for myself. A couple of weeks ago I finally did what I’ve been tring to do for the last two years and that is to get enough gumption to call it quits with my beau Russ. There finally came a point where I felt I needed to make the decision to do it and it came, and I did it. It’s been hard on me. In the process I’ve had to rely heavily on the help of my dad and sister and I’m very grateful they were and are there for me during this process even though I sort of lost connection with them in my 7 years with Russ.
I’m not going to go into why I finally broke up with Russ in big detail. Most of the reasons are in previous posts and haven’t really changed. I finally just decided my situation, happiness and his personality just weren’t going to change unless I did something about it. And I did. It’s been a difficult process and the transition to single life hasn’t been easy.
I’m definitely going to have to pick up a small part time job to make up for expenses. But i’m not too worried about that other than leaving my puppy here at my apartment for an extended amount of time.
I’m in an apartment now and have all my utilities and necessities hooked up. I still have a lot to get from Russ’ but I’m not in any hurry and we’re on good terms so they’re not going anywhere. Although I definitely think I need to get my posters and stuff. My walls are looking very bare and it’s starting to depress me.
I have been kinda seeing this one guy named George. Great guy, loving, but very needy. Kinda scary needy in a way, but his heart is in the right place though. Since moving into my new place I’ve not seen him as much though. And i’m sure he’s noticed this. I think it’s just me trying to get my roots here in my new place. I still have lots to do and most importantly I need to find my single self again before I can commit to another’s life (per se)
My pup has been super anxious since the separation from her “daddy”. She’s almost been driving me nuts. But I hope here in the future she’ll calm down. I’m living in the apartments Russ and I lived in before moving to the house. I enjoyed it there alot and so did TJ then. So I hope she finds her solace here soon.
I almost ran back to Russ a number of times before I commited myself to an apartment lease. It was either George or I who kept me from doing so. I began thinking it was a mistake. But I wasn’t missing Russ. I was missing the conforts. The things I came home to and the patterns we maintained. I didn’t miss him, just the act of living. And I found the patterns I was missing were the same ones I was condemning as part of my reasons to leave. Odd aye?
I think proverbial peg that finally told me I made the right decision is the fact that Russ has suppoesed to come by and help me hook up my Tivo for the last three days and has canceled on my each day. It’s nothing against me I’m sure. It’s just who he is and his health. I finally figured it out with his advice and suggestions…but the fact was he never came through with what he would say he was going to do…and I was always the one to have to get things done or they wouldn’t.
I still love him though. But like I told him… “I still love you…but I’m not sure if I like you anymore.”
I hope that doesn’t sound bad…but with what i’ve gone through…
Anyways, I hope you…the community will take me back. Otherwise I’ll just be writing to myself. Which I guess was the original point of a journal…but hey, comments and people who care are also welcome.