Well, here I am spending a nice quiet Saturday hanging out at home. The plan is originally to work on some things here online and then to go play some Final Fantasy XIII since I haven’t been able to play in a number of days. I’m actually quite excited about that. ^^
It started off rather slow for me but the further it takes you along the better it totally gets!
When I got back home though, I started looking at events going on in the area. I’ve been looking for social events and things to fill my time and get me out in the community. I find a local show being played at a Christian cafe not even 2 miles from my house and I think that would be a great thing for me to experience and to get out and enjoy. I totally want to hear the music and get into the moment and meet people….but wait, that means I have to be honest doesn’t it?
In my journey as a gay man, and more importantly a Christian. I’m finding it difficult to balance between these two worlds for fear of very different things.
I want to make some quality gay friends, but I don’t want to get swept up in drama, clubbing, and most importantly, the temptations that come along with most of the places they tend to congregate. I’ve had my time in that whole vein and I really don’t want to go there again.
I want to make other Christian friends, but that’s a whole other thing. Especially when going out to social functions like these. Sure, I could just enjoy the atmosphere and be by myself, but when it would come down to socializing with anyone…I’d probably clam up and not say a thing for fear of rejection. It kinda makes me sad.
When the beau is out of town (like he is today), I start to feel lonely. I wish there was a middle ground. I wish I could get more involved with another church that I know I could definitely expand with but I’m tied to this church my beau is attending. He’s not happy with it but the pastors are his friends and he’d feel like he was bailing on them to do otherwise. And I don’t want to attend church separately from him, and so here I am. Oh wells, I’ll get it figured out ^^,